Today I am older by a year. It’s truly fascinating to actually feel the change happened in and around me. The way life has taken twists and turns is far more astounding. The transition from a baby to a boy then to a teen and to a man is something which was unwanted. In such transition of life I have gained many things, I lost many priceless populaces, I have been surprised with the beamers which have come my way, I repent on assessments which I have taken, rueful on my deeds which have wounded my close-ones . But thinking all about it, I get elated with my achievements and truly get dismayed with the clangers of my life and keep yearning if those errors could have been distorted. Consequently I wish to be living a survival of an “infant”.
The naivety of an infant is what I pray for. Being a”baby” would mean that there are no exertions from humankind, no expectation from individuals and more decisively there are no complains made against them. He is very much engrossed in his own saccharine thought which has got no malice intentions; there is no gluttony, no envy. All he knows is to give love and get the compassion. He cannot harm anyone with prose or mar anyone with form. The tenderly caress is something which he vie for. It’s according to me is the most impeccable phase of human birth.
But as and when one is disposed to the peripheral humanity, all the dreadful changes takes place. The evilness gets imbibed with the force of mankind. Yeah, must admit that the extent of it definitely differs from person to person. It’s really spine-tingling. People want the circumstances to be favourable according to their whims and fancies. Egocentricity, resentment, Attitude and mediocrity take centre stage in life. This is not to point fingers at anyone but this is an unsympathetic veracity which we all have to acknowledge. There is nothing wrong, as the situations demand this from each individual. And to be very honest I am a conceited being of such “phenomenal” possession.
Over the years life has thrown bolt from the blue but will relish 12 years of my school life. Those days have gifted me some unforgettable moments which I will cherish till my “death”. It has given me some good friends but unfortunately due some toxic acts of life we had to part towards quench of our own survival. It was something which took me time to assimilate. May be nobody could actually see my pain of losing closest of pal. Everyone gone distant for own needs, everyone gone practical for own endurance. The pals who I used to be around for most of the times for 12 years have become like a passing colleagues. It was from my “family” I got disowned. With limited means i.e. no phones and never heard of internet in those times, the distance have widened. Now everybody is at a very inaccessible expanse and with newly defined relations.
I was thrown into a new world called “College”, which had many unseen faces with diverse levels of adjustments and touch of arrogance. My 5 years of “College” have given new sets of friends who still continue to sail together. The perception about me was very interesting out here, as one “smart ass” who love to take things for granted and one who always love to have fun at other’s expense. I was surprised to see people knowing me so well. But it’s all a cameo in your life which you can’t carry it throughout. We friends in college really had a “ball”. The trips which we had together, fights between each other and the lectures which we bunked together have made those days special. Those were the days which I never going to get back.
The hardships have just been integral all the way. My fear to talking to people and thinking of their reactions puts me to isolation now. The never ending search for achievement and happiness by means of “work” keeps me away from unequivocal thoughts. My 3 years of so called “professional” career have forced me to sacrifice many things which I would have loved to do. But vulnerable circumstance is somebody “responsible” for making it happen.
On the eve of my “birthday”, I pray to god to bequest me my “infancy”. Who had no aberration in thoughts and never could have hurt anyone. I was then isolated from real world of “malevolence”, who wouldn’t have experienced quandary and expectations from people, who just stood to others mercy.
I just read a tale of a person who goes to his master to tell his grievances. He enters the room by banging the door, kicking his boots, throwing his hat and in very aggressive tone sits before his master. His master first asks him to ‘apologise’ to door for hitting it hard,’ apologise’ to his boots for kicking, ‘apologise’ to his hat for throwing him. Person gets all his questions answered and returns back. That’s how I feel right now :). I want to lay my apologies to all mankind for my inadvertent and premeditated gaffes.
But callous reality is that, I will ultimately have to get back to real world of vanity!!!
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