Time: At 4.30. am (Yaaawwwnn) – Not Sleepy
“I need not fear my enemies because the most they can do is attack me. I need not fear my friends because the most they can do is betray me. But I have much to fear from people who are indifferent”.
This is one statement which I read off late and left a smudge on my psyche. Yes this is true, but not that far from being false. Over these years I have met ‘n’ number of people and watched their reactions, heard their comments and seen them enact about others and to tell you honestly I really enjoyed it. There were times when I am also part of such mass and still crave to be one of them but alas I require the time which I want :). As someone truly close to me mentioned that “if YOU have to judge your character then “YOU” should be out of sight because the real “YOU” is always described behind your back”, I completely agree when she said this ... oops....Did I mention it was a girl who said this to me .. Anyways it was just another inexpensive attempt to tell you guys that I often natter with girls as well :).Hey don’t be mistaken, here I am not trying to demonstrate my innocence or trying to tell you that I just landed from paradise and have got no malice intentions. I am just confused as to why we act the way we do. When at some point in time I sit down and think what I did wrong in life and what I did right and what I wanted to do in life... it throws a big “?”(Which happens often these days). I ask questions as to why people are “Fake” and try to be good when actually don’t intend to and what it takes to be “truthful”. Too many hopeless questions been put across but there are no persuasive answers (regrettably).On occasions I ask myself that do I look “fake” or do I sound “fake” and that’s the reason I get the reciprocation. But trust me it is a “manufacturing” defect and nothing greatly can be done about it (attempt to convince that I am not what I look).
I envisage it just the “spark” which I misplaced making me muse on such futile stipulations. The day is not that distant when I will be taking “tough decisions” for sake of “peace” but almighty would decide what it would be as I surrendered myself to the destiny (confusion intended). Speech from Chetan Bhagat on ceremonial function at Symbiosis has described “Spark’ in detail which I found to be very apt and my note post in Facebook over last 20 days is an attempt to keep me on the loop of it. “Truthfully” my best friend is “Facebook”, who aid me to get out of solitude and cascade some “feel-good factor” :-D
I know it’s really funny to read this bit as I am sounding way too ‘negative” or way too “philosophical” or rather too “stupid” in it but not to lie “you are correct” and if you don’t get the feeling then you really got to visit a psychiatrist. I see my pals around and get the feeling that we are all sailing in same ship as one and all is obsessed about work, if not then worried about future and very much deceived by the present. All hankering for fun and wanting do something but “helpless”.
When I am down and dusted, I habitually toggle myself to movies and at 4 am I just ended watching “Dasvidaniya”. A beautiful movie and I love it more whenever I see it. It’s just another way of describing the magnitude of “priorities” in life as “life is too short”. I fancy myself to put in place of “Amar Kaul” (Character in the movie played by Vinay Pathak) and jot down 10 things which I want to do in life before I die. Movie has got incredible plots and it tells that at some point one needs to be self-centred and covet for cheerfulness. Simply brilliant way to describe that life is more than you earn and even extra than you work. Hard-work and Sacrifice is ZERO worth when you can’t have serene doze, an acoustic meal and it is more expensive when it multiplies to your hitch. “Rock On” is another movie which tells that “you are a misfit” in whatever things you do if real “passion” is not followed. Loss of “spark’ can lead to your negative flow of energy in “personal life”. This is actually happening with me.
Laugh at me ... its ok...this time I have given abundant reasons to do it :) I myself really amused to see from where I have begun the tête-à-tête and where it has lead to. In reality forgot the links. I ended up sounding like a “Film Critic”. Hmmmmm...Yippee...I got the links. Yea, I think my attempt was to explicate my discontent over the existing state of affairs and a “miniature” desire for varying it. A deep peep inside me is already been advised to me and I think a visit to “psychiatrist” is also on cards soon. Fine doctor can be suggested.
Good Night. (4.45 am.) I have work tomorrow. Bye. Lolzzz.
PS: Above passage has come from a mentally unstable person which might not make any sense.
